#maybe- maybe this was my meltdown…
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pretty sure it's only a matter of time before I have a complete meltdown about Matthew being so embraced by the Panthers org as a whole. they just appreciate him so much and it's 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
delayed meltdown ‘til the end of SCF sjdjdk (OKAY so i wasn’t planning on replying to this with a whole ass essay, but i couldn’t stop once i started 🫠 tldr; matthew was determined to make a family of his new team and everyone found themselves helpless to resist and now here we are!)
honestly, yeah, i can’t imagine what it was like for the panthers to lose two guys that were not only such an integral part of their team, but had been playing there for several years (huberdeau a decade??). it’s the same for any big trade, the adjustments having to be made, the growing pains of having to establish a new team identity, navigating all the other shit that comes with it. at the beginning i’m sure it was professionalism driving their interactions, not all the players knew what matthew would be like, all the reference they had was on-ice interactions (with the exception of bennett and lomby). and barky is such a nice guy, there’s no way he’d be anything less than polite to the new guy (even if they got him in exchange for his longtime teammate and friend).
what gets me all the time is that we know matthew was struggling in calgary, even if the fans loved him and he had some good friends there, ultimately they treated his emotions/passion as a liability. you know the whole “it can’t be a riot every night” and then not stepping in to defend him when there was an altercation; they just didn’t have his back. then cut to the big blockbuster trade of the summer and he’s so earnest when he says how happy he was to be going to florida, how intentional it all was on his end, he really really wanted to come to florida and play for them, saw a future with them.
then matthew is just the same guy he always is: the guy that takes the trainers out to dinner. i think what started off as a professional relationship with his team has turned into genuine friendship. the panthers, especially under barky’s leadership, weren’t going to turn the new guy away; they all want to make this work, they all want to play great hockey together and hopefully even win the big one. but it’s so amazing to me how they really embraced him, no one is asking him to change his style of play, to be quieter, smaller. they defend him and jump in if he’s in trouble (even if he’s not in trouble).
they joke with him, laugh with him, have nothing but great things to say about him, sometimes not even related to how many goals he scored or assists he made or points he has, but just how great a person they find him. matthew knows his team has his back and in turn he can give over all of himself to them. and look how far they got as a team when everyone feels supported by the other and has trust in each other. not to be extra corny, but i think the power of friendship has really sorta propelled this team to where they are. not to say they haven’t been playing great hockey, because clearly they wouldn’t be where they are if they didn’t have the skill or all the technical components.
i think the tumultuous regular season they had really tested the new florida panthers identity and it was either going to make or break them. their ability to adapt as a team, to grind and work hard as a team, having the gall to believe in themselves when everyone thought they had no business being in the playoffs, all that comes down to trusting what they’ve worked all season to establish. and yeah, sometimes hosting a team dinner is a seemingly inconsequential thing that helps with that.
#maybe- maybe this was my meltdown…#idk what i’m trying to say!!! just. just.#he’s like. have my whole heart and pls be careful with it and if you are i’ll give everything i have to take us to the top#and the team is like. yeah matthew’s great in the big moments but also have i told you how nice he is off the ice??#baby u mean more to them than just hockey!!!!!#and when barky tried to say that he couldn’t even LOOK AT HIM#replies#matthew tkachuk#panthers
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sorry maybe one day ill stop being mad about how the anime adapted the confession arc but today is not the day because im stuck thinking about how much of a blunder it was not to include this page
because like. to me this was the thing that defined my reading of this arc. this was the moment that made me go "oh, this isn't mob unconsciously doing this, this is someone else"
so then when you read through the rest of it you share mob's frustration. why are all these people treating this thing like it's mob? this isn't mob. this is some dangerous entity puppeting his body and hurting people! mob would never do this!
and then
oh.
oh.
this is mob.
this is mob as much as the teru who nearly killed someone who refused to fight back just because they didnt share his worldview is teru. this is mob as much as the ritsu who hurt dozens of people weaker than him just because he could is ritsu. this is mob the way the reigen who lied to him for years is reigen.
the part of you that lashes out and hurts people when you're scared or hurt or frustrated isnt some other scary thing that you have to control.
it's just you.
but people still love you.
#srry i love this fucking arc so much it makes me wanna go in the soil#like maybe too personal but in highschool i used to delude myself into thinking my meltdowns were being caused by possession#and i always think its funny that thats also the first thought i jumped to when i read this arc the first time. fitting.#mp100#mob psycho 100#shigeo kageyama#pic
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sudden yearning for time travelling teen jiang fengmian lands at lotus pier fic that winds up being about a perfectly nice kid having a varying series of "oh no. i don't like that. that's a lot" reactions.
#i think in order for this to be satisfying i have to give grace and interiority to teenmian#i'm picturing an older teen like 18ish? maybe even early 20s?#big crush on csr he's already pretty sure isn't going to work out#but at least he'll always have wei-xiong#anyway this is my ploy to give jfm a chance at an ugly crying meltdown#he's trying so hard to be even keeled and like#maybe take this as an evil vision designed to teach him something#but somewhere in between my crush stole my man and then they died#my whole sect burned#my grown ass son who is older than me making the vibe sooooo weird#and my grandson! child of my dead???? daughter??????#is just like yeah he never talks about you. no never never#and then wwx blows into town and idk somehow they all end up at dinner together and jfm politely calls lqr a punk ass bitch in front of lwj#because what???? context clues suggest lqr has the fucking nerve to not like wei xiong's baby after All That#only for adult son with the weird vibes#to imply only filial piety is keeping him from naming the real#punk ass bitch#anyway this ends with jfm crying because clearly he marries yuanyuan and she HATES HIM and then his own son ALSO HATES HIM#and would rather stupid Lan-er-gongzi#be his dad.#if you like lqr so much why don't you just join the lan sect then?????#and that's how jc learns he didn't get it all from his mama#jc didn't mean it he was stressed! this isn't his dad it's an a-ling sized kid. but it's still stressful
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Sanctuary
Din Djarin x GN!Reader
Summary: It's one of those days when your emotions threaten to overwhelm you. Despite the horrible day you're having, you try your best to keep it together. A feat you manage, until a certain Mandalorian arrives home and takes you into his arms. Word Count: 1.2k ✯ Rating: General ✯ Content Warnings: Descriptions of anxiety/panic attack ✯ Author's Note: Seeing these gifs the other day broke something in my brain and this little fic was the result. I hope this gets you through a day when you really need a hug from Din Djarin 💕 ✯ My Masterlist ✯
On the days when your stomach churned and you were too upset to vocalise the war that waged within yourself, you were grateful to have someone in your life who seemed to know exactly what you needed. There was no doubt that Din understood you better than you understood yourself. It was unsurprising, given how meticulous and attentive he was in everything he turned his hand to.
You had been in each other's lives for some time, yet you still found yourself pleasantly surprised each time he shared such care towards you. You never doubted Din's kind heart once you got to know him, but you were nonetheless astonished by the multitudes he contained. It was astounding how tender and caring the man, who had gained such a fearsome reputation throughout the galaxy as a ruthless bounty hunter, actually was beneath his cold, hard beskar.
It was early in the morning when Din had left through the door and your stomach tied itself into knots as you heard his heavy footprints gradually fade into the distance. The sound indicated that you were now alone with your thoughts. Throughout the day, you had pushed your emotions to the deepest depths inside yourself. You had been trying to kid yourself, in his absence, that you could survive the day without breaking down. You told yourself over and over that if you could just make it until Din returned and then put on a brave face when he walked through the door, you would have survived the day without dissolving into pieces. The last thing you wanted was for Din to see how upset you were. The fear that you were weighing him down with your troubles or somehow holding him back from achieving greater things was omnipresent. Even though he had never given you a reason to fear such a thing, you were constantly terrified of being seen as a burden to him.
The familiar heavy footsteps grew louder; their rhythmic, even quality indicated they could belong to only one man. You took a deep breath and attempted to steady your racing heart, preparing yourself to keep it together upon Din's return.
The second you saw his figure in the doorway, you knew it was a lost cause. At the sight of the familiar outline of beskar shining in the entryway, you immediately knew that there was no way that you would be able to maintain your composure. You stood up immediately, rising off the chair you had been sitting on as you waited for him, to greet the man who owned your heart entirely. Instead of racing towards him as usual, you found yourself suddenly overcome with apprehension. Your steps faltered with uncertainty as you walked towards him on shaky legs, feeling your ability to stay strong evaporate just from laying eyes upon him.
Din held his arms out to you without hesitation, beckoning you to come close to him.
“Come here, cyare,” Din whispered as you stepped into his orbit, his voice gravelly, “Let me hold you.”
As you closed the distance between you and Din to rest your head in the crook of his neck, you caught a glimpse of his mudhorn pauldron, glinting despite the low light of the cabin. Despite how terrible you felt, the ghost of a smile passed across your lips as you noticed the signet was so distinctively Din. Stepping into his arms felt like you were returning to safety. To your home.
You rested your head in the crook of his neck and nuzzled into his rough cowl, enjoying his familiar scent. It was musky and masculine, but not overbearing. You detected a faint hint of perspiration mixed with the floral scent you knew lingered on his skin thanks to the bottle of liquid he lathered across his tan skin in the 'fresher each morning. Din’s chestplate was firm against your body. Initially, you recoiled at the slight chill from the beskar, discernible even through your layers of clothing. Once you had adjusted to the temperature and new sensation, though, you felt nothing but warmth when you were in his arms.
As Din held you close and his hands rubbed comforting circles into your back with one strong arm holding you tightly around the waist, you appreciated the way your bodies fit together. It was as you were admiring how you seemed to be made for each other that you noticed how Din had wrapped his cape around your shoulders to further cocoon you into him. As though he was protecting you from all of the hurt that lingered outside of the sanctuary of his arms. From whatever was troubling you. There was no intense questioning, no expectations for answers. Only safety, love and understanding from a man who wanted to help you through your very worst days.
Something about nuzzling into Din’s neck and the care he had taken to raise your spirits rendered you speechless. You were overcome with emotion, powerless to stop the tears which started falling down your cheeks. At first, it was a solitary droplet, but then you couldn’t help yourself as more and more tears slipped from your eyes.
At the first sound of your sniffles, Din pulled away from you. You felt your stomach drop in panic, momentarily afraid that you had upset him somehow. You looked up at him and felt the embarrassment settle somewhere low in your stomach, a physical symptom of the mortification you felt at your outburst. Then came the shame. You were dismayed that you had lost control of your emotions in such a way. Evidence of your loss of composure was evident in the reflection of your face in his helmet. You watched as your expression grew increasingly more distraught and felt your chest heaving as the panic rose within you, upset at your emotional state.
Fortunately, Din was nothing but understanding and caring. Before your thoughts could spiral anywhere darker, he began to use his soft leather gloves against your cheeks to dry the tears that were burning hot trails down your skin. It distracted you from your anguish, his tender touch providing instant comfort.
You relished the contact and melted into his embrace. Between his hand that lingered on your cheek, while the other rubbed your back and ensured his cape still swaddled you, your mood was instantly calmer. Din brought you back into his shoulder and returned his hands to your back, rubbing up and down as he held you close. You wrapped your arms around his waist, relishing the small contact you gained with the warmth of his flesh between the hard plates of his beskar. You stayed like that for a few more minutes, feeling your anguish dissipate with each second that Din held you.
Eventually, your breathing evened out and returned to a less frantic pace. Sensing that his embrace had had the intended effect on your fragile emotional state, Din pulled away once again and brought his hands to cup your jaw gently.
“How are you feeling now?” he rasped as he stroked your cheeks with his gloved thumbs.
“Being in your arms always makes me feel better,” you smiled.
“I’d hold you for the rest of my days if you only asked me to, cyare,” Din vowed with a nod of his helmet.
You smiled then, enjoying the way your face lit up with a smile and how your eyes had regained their sparkle thanks to the tight embrace of your attentive Mandalorian; your sanctuary.
#din djarin fic#din djarin fanfiction#din djarin x reader#din djarin x you#the mandalorian x reader#mando x reader#mando x you#the mandalorian fanfiction#pedro pascal characters#din djarin fluff#my fics#maybe i cried when i finished this (had a bad meltdown tonight lol and i truly need a certain mandalorian to wrap me up in his cape)#also thats my gif in my delulu brain that moment really looks like he's opening his arms to you for a hug HEH
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I have not finished the game yet (a single route takes so long!!!!) but I have brainworms abt these two so have some good old AU fanart
#Pathologic#Daniil Dankovsky#Artemy Burakh#Burakhovsky#Danya's a bachelor of veterinary science. He's interning in Isidor's ranch to write a postgrad paper on the animals there or smth idk.#And Artemy's a little shit who's there to bother the new twink in snakeskin thigh highs#(Yes it's purposefully ridiculous bc Daniil's in game coat is also ridiculous)#Daniil's very much not a cowboy and Artemy makes sure to tease him abt not being in touch with the southern ranch culture or whatever#All while doing hot cowboy shit to flirt with the new guy#Meanwhile Dankovsky's just stoic but internally having a meltdown on whether it's alright to be flirting with his new boss' son#(oh god are they american in this??? Daniel Douglas and Arthur Brown??)#Anyways once I finish the game (I am on P1 Haruspex Day 9) I will draw and maybe write some fanfic bc I wanna explore canon stuff#but for now AU stuff to feed the worms in my brain crying for content#my art
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I'm not here to stir up shit. I've got no skin in this game anymore, but I think it's important to remind the community about just how long these communication issues have been prevalent amongst Thomas productions. For example, I was at my peak-obsession with Sander Sides at 14. The signs started cropping up of a sinking ship while I was in my first year of high school. Disgruntled artists, lackadaisical deadlines, and silenced staff members were the norm. Now I'm about to turn 21.
#Thomas for the love of god can you please just get off twitter and stop responding to everyone who doesn't like you and do your fucking JOB?#or maybe use all the time you spend scrolling through comments to respond to people asking what the fuck is wrong with you#I've been paid to watch dozens of kids and disabled individuals#I am disabled myself and experience meltdowns#Never before have I seen such pathetic tantrums. You lash out like a mad dog. Then try to play puppy after you've bitten someone.#You're what? 32 now? Grow up. Because you and I both know your wallet is shrinking#and it's only a matter of time before the well of gold you struck runs dry.#ts critical#ts criticism#thomas sanders#sander sides#yeah I'm putting this in the main tags#gargle my balls kids /j#i speak
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We had an Autism friendly screening of Beetlejuice Bettlejuice at work today. Only had one autistic guy (who was clearly an adult, not a child or a teen) and his mum.
This lady bought him a snack box with a fruit shoot, then after they'd left concessions and were standing by me she started insisting theyvswap it for a water as you "get more drink that way". (The snack box comes with either drink). The man was clearly getting upset and kept saying "leave it" louder and louder. And she kept arguing. Whilst I was stuck awkwardly standing there like
I swear I could have fought that woman. Like he doesn't want water he wants the drink you already bought him, you're just upsetting him for no reason. Eventually a coworker offered them.some free tap water which ended the argument. But I swear I heard her muttering "so embarrassing".
Like as far as I'm concerned his reaction was completely justified (i know i would have reacted the same way). You fighting him over this was what was embarrassing
#actually autistic#like if shed refused to buy him a certain drink id be more understanding#like maybe theres a financial reason or dietry restrctions that she needs to manage#gif#your hill is a trip hazard for ants#allistics exhaust me i swear#plus if hed had a meltdown it probably would have sent me into a shutdown (which would mean i couldn't do my job)
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Am I having a meltdown that My Hero Academia is coming to a close and the fandom's gonna slowly trickle out like many before it? Very much so, yes.
#sarah rambles#Ya girl is once again gonna have to deal with being stuck on a hyperfocus in a forgotten fandom with no new content ahhhh--#Also having a mini meltdown bc please Hori wrap up the ending nicely i'm begging#AAAHHHHHHHH#On the plus side it's finally pushed me into buying a custom Ojiro plush off etsy#very excited to cuddle the lil tailbean in a few months#I'LL STILL REMEMBER HIM WHEN NO ONE ELSE DOES#Hall of fame husbands#ojiro mashirao#My Hero Academia#BNHA#MHA#final chapter#ugh the fact I'm pre-emptively tagging him in the Hall of Fame tag ew#tailbaby is not down and out yet#maybe for official merch but NOT FAN CONTENT
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COVID AU where Art and Tashi are forced to quarantine when the city wide lockdowns prevent them from traveling. They find a motel that would let them rent the room for as long as they need to. Thankfully, Lily is with her grandma and they’re both safe.
I want forced proximity. I want Tashi going stir crazy not having anything to do. I want Art still attempting to keep in shape until one day he’s too lazy to workout or get up out of bed. I want Art and Tashi forced to actually talk about anything other than tennis.
COVID AU where Patrick gets trapped in the lockdown. He knows he can’t stay in his car forever so he goes to the nearest motel and uses his emergency credit card to rent a room.
One day, he decides to use the amenities. He knows the motel has a pool and he’s not surprised to see other guests already there. He knows he should stay 6 feet apart. Except he recognizes that blunt short bob and that mop of blonde curls.
Yeah, Patrick Zweig just casually quarantining with the Donaldsons. It’s definitely gonna turn out fine.
(Blame @lovethelittlerthings for implanting this in my brain 😵💫😵💫)
#the words ‘covid au’ is so fucking crazy to me#like thats a thing that happened what#also this is another level of forced proximity#the motel might explode from their tension#any guessed over who gets a meltdown first?#my money’s on art#also patrick defo gets a quarantine haircut and shaves his head#tashi isnt allowed near any sharp objects#she WILL stab a bitch#literally no amount of money is worth the chaos these three bring#the old gay couple and the other guests have a betting pool going#over multiple scenarios of infidelity#except none of them win when the staff discovers all 3 of them in bed together#except maybe the old gay couple they knew something was up#challengers#art donaldson#tashi duncan#patrick zweig#challengers au#daff writes
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look at the way i ride ~
#lyss.vent#been feeling very much on the edge lately#of what? i’m not really sure#a classic Meltdown ™ maybe#i have a therapist i talk to weekly now and that’s been a huge help fs#but it’s still like#my boat has a hole#too many to count actually#i’m constantly dumping out the water but it doesn’t matter yk?#i’m still sinking#there are so many things i should be thankful for#friends and family that care about me#i have hobbies that i enjoy#a good consistent job that pays well#i’m working 40 hrs a week and making enough to save monthly#this is what it means to be successful right ?#i should be happy…i have everything i need…#yet i feel rundown and empty#i’ve also realized that there are horrible ugly things that still live deep inside my bones#why do i blame myself for them when i was just there? when i was the victim?#i’m the only one who can save myself from it all so why can’t i?#what’s even worse is that i have to watch from the sidelines while life single-handedly fucks up my loved ones too#i’m so powerless in all aspects of my life#everything’s out of my control#and it hurts so much :(((#tbh old me would’ve given up by now but that dumb bitch isn’t in the driver’s seat anymore#she’s just along for the ride now but she won’t give me the aux#tho new me is stubborn and has something to prove so i’ll keep driving :3 vroom vroommm#i’ll play my own music soon#i love queue ☆〜(ゝ。∂)
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i. i just. i just think. i just think that. i just think that oz vessalius. [clenches fist and just starts sobbing from affection]
#mine#I JUST THINK HES RLY NEAT. THE NEATEST EVER EVEN MAYBE.#(jk it's not maybe he just is)#pandora hearts#oz vessalius#every time mochijun posts art of him it rewires my brain.#like it makes me have the opposite end of a meltdown/breakdown#where im unhinged. im outta my mind. im abnormal. AND HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE#IM SPIRALING BUT INTO THE DEPTHS OF HEAVEN INSTEAD OF HELL#THATS MY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [EUPHORIA RUSH]
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snakes have something called a jacobson's organ that allows them to smell. they stick out their tongue, and then when it enters their mouth again, the jacobson's organ processes what they just smelled with their tongue. i say this to propose that, after yakumo licks eiden's dick for a good 10 minutes, he closes his mouth and processes it all like O_____O
when i TELL YOU that this message left me bracing the wall like
(overwhelmed with positive affect)
#you just... waltz into my inbox... LEAVE ME SNAKE FACT.... and HILARIOUS vision???#you do this freely? you would demonstrate such audacity???#i post my snorn and soon after i get a fun little inbox surprise#i was overcome with such gratitude that i had to consult my uhhjacobson's organ for a bit? 😂#thank u.... for showing up and dropping these words on me... *wipes joyous tear*#i immediately thought of those silly cat zoomies eyes#what? is yakumo gonna go comically BIG PUPIL after he's processed what just transpired?#(sucked eiden's dick for a full 10 minutes)?#or is he just gonna have a steam meltdown like in puzzling invitation#just straight up blue screen (Buffering....) for a minute while all the senses catch up to him#and eiden (if he manages to drift out of his ducked-out-brain) starts to worry#as soon as i read ur message i was ON WIKIPEDIA like the buttered side of the toast on floor#vomeronasal organ my vestigial intrigue...? according to this here article... humans have them but they don't do anything anymore#so maybe yakumo has a standard nasal system when in human form. he doesn't need to consult the organ for processing#but the moment he starts shapeshifting... once he reaches those in-between and beyond snakey forms...#he'll have to engage in the ol' lick-n-sniff.#and that's when the comedy kicks in#does he descend upon the dick with renewed hunger after all that processing? a bit of gluttony activation?#or does he ease up a bit because it's all too overstimulating?#UGH WHY HTWRIUELOW WHYUIAO. SDTP YOYU I'M A CHANGED MAN AFTER NAKED APRON YAKUMO#i'mma need twelve more orders of this please *gestures to the yakuei dick sucking*#feesh answer
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( stereotypical mexican music starts playing
#vargas#edgar vargas#scriabin vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin#zarla s#sunny's art#hey lolol independence day here in mexico !!!!!!!!!!!!!#me n my friends have this hc of edgar being mexican#i wanted to draw edgar wearing a sombrero#made a quick sketch for it and he just looked so pretty . he always does#and idc out of nowhere ii was like i kinda want to paint it#brusk told me that i definitely should and maybe make a scriabin version too !#i was like oohhh yyyeahh that would be cool and we can use them as matching icons on whatsapp#we've sharing a drawing moffy made as icons for like two months now#well . worked on it . the details on the clothing and the sombrero took me forever man i'm serious#yaelokre made irreparable damage to me ( i want to make my stuff pretty and detailed now#originally edgar was wearing a poncho and scri a hat#but i wanted to draw edgar with different clothes . and scriabin's hair just looked too pretty to be covered !#scri has a little braid with yarn of the color of the mexican flag . thought it would be a nice detail#but thanks to the filter you can't really notice it . . . or at least i can't on my phone#heheh the little flags on their cheeks#i really REALLY like how these came out . i finished them until 4:30AM but it was so worth it#i've been working on the askblog . but again for some reason getting myself to draw is becoming more and more difficult#i also had a pretty bad meltdown last week hhhahahahhaha i chose not to think about it#wwwhat else . i don't know#i'll try to work on more stuff today . askblog and there's this animation i want to make . . .#bbbbyee#viva méxico cabrones
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me trying to hype myself up to posting online again despite The Horror
#so turned out taking a break was both needed and the worst thing I could have done#having Anything to do day to day was the one thing keeping my brain from engaging nuclear meltdown lol#was trying to tell myself if the election went well maybe there'd be a chance for someone like me and it'd be worth trying again#but uhh no need to explain the flaws in that logic lmao#still stuck in the same place with no where else to go#and like#the more I learn about the scale of history the more I understand that relief won't really come until long after I've died#not at a scale needing to overcome the sheer ocean of grief and blood my country is built on and continues to feed year by year#have to live with it now somehow#its not liberating to acknowledge#but there's no such thing as miracles so I guess I'll stop hoping for better#that kind of thing has to be built by hand#really feelin that pingu rn#anyway time to stop whining I gotta start planning to post art or something#might need a second blog for my other non-nature-y artwork#trying to figure out how to make things manageable#maybe will make something silly just to break the ice#rompopolo calls
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two nights in a row where i’ve managed to Watch Something or at least Put Something On without experiencing debilitating anxiety-adjacent internalized hyperactivity (gbbo and stars vs sharks which like. ok they’re not movies or serialized dramas or anything but there was NOISE and COLOR on my screen and i made an active choice to sit and do That which is something). progress!!!
#AND i went for TWO walks today. well one was grocery shopping but it was still a walk#AND i packed my lunch tonight for tomorrow and there are veggies AND fruits AND protein (barring listeria)#and this is not even considering how much i got done this weekend and how much cleaner my space is#and tomorrow i’m DOING STUFF and MEETING NEW PEOPLE!!!!#sometimes . u feel like ur never gonna feel better no matter what u do. that ur life is gonna be one endless black hole forever#and then sometimes . u look up from the slog and realize hey . i do feel better actually. maybe only a little . but i do#i’m sure ill have a complete meltdown later this week to make up for it but#i had a minor meltdown last night and turned things around anyways!! it ends or it doesn’t we do not perish etc etc
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Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.
I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.
I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.
So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?
#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks#i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me#but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world#tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of#but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets#this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me#i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items#i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em#its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there#the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students#mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression#in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me#no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings#if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask#but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself#and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding.#words#mr octopus#mental health#doodles
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